St John The Baptist Church Portadown

Hey there, let's chat about this little gem in Portadown, St. John The Baptist Church. You might think, "Church? Boring!" But hold your horses, folks. This place is anything but ordinary.

Age is just a number

First off, this church is ancient. We're talking 12th century ancient. That's like being a teenager when dinosaurs were still cool. But don't worry, it's not stuffy or old-fashioned. It's more like that cool grandpa who tells awesome stories and has a secret candy stash.

You know what's even crazier? The church tower is leaning. Yep, you heard it right. It's not as dramatic as the Tower of Pisa, but it's still pretty wonky. The locals call it the 'Leaning Tower of Portadown'. Catchy, huh?

Art attack

Now, let's talk art. This church is like a giant art gallery, but instead of fancy paintings, it's got these massive carvings. They're everywhere - on the walls, the pillars, even on the ceiling. It's like the church was built by a bunch of really talented, really bored stone masons.

There's one carving that's particularly weird. It's a face, but it's got a beard made of leaves. I mean, who even thinks of that? It's like the stone mason was trying to make a joke, but it's been lost in time. Hilarious, right?

Secret passages and hidden treasures

Alright, now here's where it gets really interesting. This church has secret passages. Yes, you read that right. There are hidden tunnels and hidden rooms. It's like something out of a Harry Potter book!

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Legend has it that these passages were used to smuggle people and goods during the Troubles. But who knows? Maybe they were just used to sneak into the church for a quick nap on a Sunday afternoon. Either way, it's pretty cool, right?

Music to your ears

You might think that a church is all quiet and somber, but not this one. This place has music written all over it. Literally. The organ up there is massive. It's like a giant, musical monster.

And the acoustics? Oh boy, they're amazing. It's like the church is a giant echo chamber. You could probably whisper a secret in one corner, and someone in the other corner would hear it. Just don't try it during a service. The priest might not appreciate it.

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Why you should visit

So, why should you visit St. John The Baptist Church? Well, for starters, it's like stepping into a real-life history book. It's ancient, it's weird, it's full of secrets. What more could you want?

Plus, it's free. That's right, you can explore this giant, leaning, carving-filled, secret passage-having, musical monster of a church without spending a penny. Bargain, huh?

So, next time you're in Portadown, don't just walk past this church. Stop, look, and explore. You never know what you might find. And who knows? You might just have a blast.